Life As a Pearl

Who knew the best line from the best Christmas movie would also be the perfect parting words for 2016? Or at least the most censored ones. It's no secret this year wasn't my year, and I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'll be sad to see it go. But I'll be darned if I'm going to skip everybody's favorite tradition: the sending of the December brag book. Or holiday card. Whatever you guys are calling it. Now, I'm obviously not going to send anything. I have cancer, so I don't have to go the post office. But I am going to drag you through the twelve months of Smadon--the highs and the lows. And if you don't like it, well...I'll give you 10 seconds to get your ugly, yellow, no good keister off my property.   January High : I caught this feral child near the pantry. Wearing zero sleeves in January. Low : The time they made me go through this training. Twice. Because no one can predict the future.   February High : I

It's been weeks since it happened, but my brain is still twitching on it. Turning it over. Obsessing. I wish it didn't bug me so much, but it just did . And so here I am, doing what writers do. It was the last day of Ayana's summer camp, and parents were invited to come enjoy a closing ceremony of sorts. Considering I'd never even gotten the girls who signed her in each morning for the entire summer to make eye contact with me, and Ayana got flashed for the first time by a fellow camper (buckle up, honey), and she picked up some charming habits like rolling her eyes and talking back, I wasn't exactly mourning the end of an era. But you know what? They kept her alive and entertained for a summer, and that's legitimately more than I did. So with guarded gratitude in my heart, I headed down to the rec center (maybe a little late) to smile real big, gab with a few parents (when did they all get so much younger than me?!) and see my kid get a ribbon for particip