31 Things I Learned Before 32

Tomorrow, I turn 32. So with no more ado or fanfare than that, I share with you 31 things I've learned in 31 years of life. In no particular order and with no promised gravity.

1. The Golden Rule doesn't ensure you'll get treated the way you wish to be treated. It just means you can sleep at night, knowing you did right.
2. Sandal tans garner an inexplicable degree of respect and admiration.
3. The book is always better than the movie. So all you book snobs out there can just hush up about it. We know. (Yes, I'm a total book snob. But I'm so snobby I don't even try the movie. You're welcome.)
4. If you don't water the plants, the plants die.
5. When you're going through some shit and people tell you, "I could never do what you doing," the appropriate response is: "Yes you could. You just haven't had to."
6. Dog people have hair all over everything and cat peoples' houses smell funny (which is a nice way of saying bad).
7. Children are inexplicably easy to love.
8. It's fine to let a human construct dictate your life and call it divine; it is not fine to dictate the lives of others. Period.
9. Bravery doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you are scared and you do it anyway.
10.  One of the few perks of being an adult is swearing in front of your parents.
11. Don't offer people sandwiches when they tell you they're having a tough time. Tell them you're sorry about what they're going through and ask if there's anything you can do to make it better.
12. Have a least one job for which "remarkable blanket fort skills" would be a selling point on your resume. #fortengineer
13. Some limits are real and some are self-imposed. You can really only tell the difference by taking yourself to the limit and seeing what happens.
14. Dinosaurs did not ride bikes, in the same way that humans did not ride dinosaurs.
15. Closure isn't always a thing. But just because a door won't close doesn't mean you have to keep walking through it.
16. When your feet are bare, you can really feel the journey. (That ended up sounding more philosophical than I meant it to. I just really like being barefoot.)
17. If your partner works the night shift, you should maybe stash a pair of clean undies and a toothbrush somewhere outside your bedroom. Just in case.
18. Folk songs are a good alternative to children's songs.
19. People who buy things they can't afford have fancier lives than people who live within their means. I'm not sure what to do with that fact, and I'm always a little irritated the former set is having more fun than me.
20. Parents are just people who happen to be older than children. Manage your expectations accordingly.
21. Dentists aren't joking. You really should floss your teeth.
22. Gin is the best liquor. It tastes a little like Christmas trees, but you'll get used to it.
23. If you accept that life is hard, you're prepared for the tough days and the easy ones feel like a gift.
24. Never tell your hairdresser you'd like it shorter in the front but want to keep the length in back. That's a mullet and everyone is laughing at you.
25. Foreign travel is a good way to get perspective. And some kind of unidentifiable stomach bug. Brush those teeth with bottled water, people.
26. If you can't identify the Rose, Dorothy, Blanche, and Sofia in your inner circle, you may need new friends.
27. Pluck your damn eyebrows. Regularly. Like a human.
28. When you get married, keep some things separate. Like your bank accounts. Parts of your social lives. Bathrooms. The less you have to see how they load the toilet paper roll (or how they DON'T EVEN BOTHER), the less you have to fight about.
29. If there's flour involved, crank up the Kitchen Aid slowly. 
30. The Oxford comma is optional the way wearing a bra on a date is optional. You don't have to use it; but someone may misunderstand your intentions. 
31. Pay the guy who sprays for spiders to spray for spiders. Don't ask yourself about chemicals or karma or the balance of nature. Just pay the guy with the spider spray to spray the spiders.

Well how was that for a completely odd bit of lessons learned? Do you have anything to add? Something you'd like to debate? As you can see, I have a thing or two yet to learn. So hit me with your wisdom.

And to thank you for getting through this list, here's a picture of my daughter wrecking a cake (although admittedly not a birthday cake). Wasn't she so cute?!