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I Don't Really Want to Be the Queen

I know you've thought this at least once while reading my blog: Damn. That Ricka sure sounds like a cool cat. Well, you're right. And here's reason number 147: the Q & A a Day book. For my birthday a few years ago, she bought me (and herself too!) this nifty book. It's like a diary for people who have absolutely NO interest in journaling at all, but would love to have something to force their children to read after they've passed on.

In case the title doesn't explain it well enough, Q & A a Day has one question for every day of the year. It has five blanks for each question; the idea being that you would answer the same question on the same day every year for five years. Then you can look back and see how your answers have changed over the years. It's great. Particularly when you think of the kids. Ayana will be thrilled to know that on  30 August 2012, kisses from her were my simples pleasure, and on 25 January 2013, I thought that what makes "me" me was my ass because it was hard to imagine myself without it. Treasure this book, baby girl!

Some of the questions require thought, some, not so much. Some of them stick in my head for days, others, not so much. But there's one question, the November 13th question, that sticks in my head all year. The question is this:

What song could be your self-portrait?

It's an easy enough question, I guess. And the first year I answered it (2011), I wrote the first thing that came to mind: Meet Virgina by Train. This song was popular like 10 years ago, so the fact that it popped up as my answer is telling. I really did identify with it. Well, maybe not the alligator wresting daddy, but certainly these lines: "Well she wants to live her life/ Then she thinks about her life/ Pulls her hair back as she screams/ I don't really want to live this life." That and the unusual shape of my body.

Turns out, it was a bit of self-fulfilling prophecy. Just a few months after 13 November 2011, I left that life I didn't want to live. I don't pull my hair so much anymore, but I do still exercise in high heels. The balance required is fabulous for my abs.

When the question rolled around again in 2012, I was ready for it. Ricka and I had laughed/cried about my 2011 choice for a year, and I felt like it meant something--this question, my answer. If my choice was in some way prophetic, I wanted to give myself a little more hope for the next calendar year.

At first, I thought All the Single Ladies; what a catchy tune! Or maybe I Will Survive. Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend seemed like a good idea too. But in the end, the only thing I had in common with Beyonce was a big booty, and 2012 was too soon for any diamonds to come my way. In truth, I knew my song well before 13 November, and I couldn't wait to transform from Virgina to a Blackbird. I had been waiting for my moment to arise for a long, long time.

It's been about six months since the turnover, and I'd like to think the change has done me good. I'm learning to fly. I suck at it--let's call me a "nearly flightless" bird (quails are also categorized as "nearly flightless")--but I keep hucking myself out of the nest. I'm taking my broken wings all kinds of places.

So...what's your self-portrait song? You obviously don't have to answer that, but you're welcome to. I'd love to know. Ricka and I discuss our songs, and when we hear them (all of them, but mostly Meet Virgina if I'm being honest) we call or text or leave a voicemail with the stereo turned up really, really loud. I just did it today. It's fun. It helps me put my Meet Virginia phase behind me, it encourages my inner Blackbird, and it makes me look forward to five years from 2011, when my song better be Another Day in Paradise. I'm coming at you, Phil.

Comments

  1. I have considered "Landslide" to be my soul song for quite some time now. The lyics that speak to me the most are as follows:

    Oh mirror in the sky
    What is love?
    Can the child within my heart
    Rise above?
    Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
    Can I handle the seasons of my life?

    Such a lovely, bittersweet song...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah, Fleetwood Mac. Or are you more of a Dixie Chick on this one, Sarah? I'm actually not a fan of either band, but I love this song. I really love it. It seems very fitting for you, for this time in your life. I think the answer is yes, by the way.

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