Have you ever had a friend who makes you feel old? The one whose face registers confusion when you ask if she tore out the Haim or the Feldman poster from her Teen Bop. Apparently, she's a Team Edward, and that makes no sense to you. In your world, vampires sleep all day, party all night, never grow old, never die. In her world, they sparkle.
In her world, Facebook is for old people. If you're not tweeting, you've got a foot in the grave.
In her world, the drum solo in Coming in the Air Tonight isn't a religious experience. In fact, it isn't even a thing at all.
In her world, Alanis Morissette doesn't actually exist. And she has a degree in gender studies (or something related). How is that even possible?!
Well, my dear friend who makes me feel old (you know who you are and you know I LOVE you), you're welcome for making you listen to Jagged Little Pill (twice) a few months ago. You're welcome for making you a little older that night. You're welcome for linking to this song for the context you might need to reorient yourself into a time and place where what I'm about to talk about matters.
So, my contemporaries, who among you saw the recent "news" article in which famed impressionist and former hockey player Dave Coulier reveals how he knew Alanis's epic You Oughta Know was about him? Come on guys. You know you clicked on it.
You're not sure why, because you always knew it was about him and you're not at all sure how this is newsworthy nearly two decades later. BUT. News like this gives you a sense of recaptured youth. And in a world where the latest Kardashian haircut is a front pager, you'll take what you can get.
So there you were, clicking on the article and picturing Joey and Uncle Jesse doing their latest bit as the Rush Hour Renegades. And let's be honest. You're also a little bit wondering how this guy who bills himself as a clean comedian is going to get out of this one. You may not have understood all the words to the song when you were a kid, but the implications no longer escape you. Dave has a dirty side.
Or does he? Because there he is in the article, telling you the moment he knew the song was about him (outside of the fact that Alanis wasn't actually in a relationship with anyone else--back then, even famous women were capable of monogamy) was when he heard the line, "I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner."
Really Dave? Really? Have you heard the way Alanis sings that line? We all know it's euphemistic. And in the context of the rest of the lyrics, it's really hard to imagine she's referencing anything as wholesome as meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
But there's good ol' Dave, remembering it just that way. He says, "We had already broken up...She called and I said, 'Hey, you know, I'm right in the middle of dinner. Can I just call you right back?' When I heard the line, it was like, 'Uh-oh.'"
Oh, I bet that's just what it was like, David. Uh-oh.
Now here's the thing. I'm going to admit right now that, as a writer, I embellished a little at the beginning of this post. Or rather, I attached a number of things that have happened to me to one person, when in fact that whole twitter/facebook thing actually came from a student, not my friend. And also, that friend can't possibly be on Team Edward because we both know the werewolf one looks better without his shirt on.
You get the idea. Writers aren't married to the precise truth. So we can all imagine Alanis took a little creative license with You Oughta Know. But come on, Dave. You didn't just take creative license with your side of the story--you lied. And it was pathetic lie. It was (if I may) a slap in the face.
I haven't seen a response from Alanis yet. But if she wants to get through to Dave, if she wants to speak his language, I think there's really only one response (and yes, generation-Sarah, you're probably going to have to look this one up):
How rude!
In her world, Facebook is for old people. If you're not tweeting, you've got a foot in the grave.
In her world, the drum solo in Coming in the Air Tonight isn't a religious experience. In fact, it isn't even a thing at all.
In her world, Alanis Morissette doesn't actually exist. And she has a degree in gender studies (or something related). How is that even possible?!
Well, my dear friend who makes me feel old (you know who you are and you know I LOVE you), you're welcome for making you listen to Jagged Little Pill (twice) a few months ago. You're welcome for making you a little older that night. You're welcome for linking to this song for the context you might need to reorient yourself into a time and place where what I'm about to talk about matters.
So, my contemporaries, who among you saw the recent "news" article in which famed impressionist and former hockey player Dave Coulier reveals how he knew Alanis's epic You Oughta Know was about him? Come on guys. You know you clicked on it.
You're not sure why, because you always knew it was about him and you're not at all sure how this is newsworthy nearly two decades later. BUT. News like this gives you a sense of recaptured youth. And in a world where the latest Kardashian haircut is a front pager, you'll take what you can get.
So there you were, clicking on the article and picturing Joey and Uncle Jesse doing their latest bit as the Rush Hour Renegades. And let's be honest. You're also a little bit wondering how this guy who bills himself as a clean comedian is going to get out of this one. You may not have understood all the words to the song when you were a kid, but the implications no longer escape you. Dave has a dirty side.
Or does he? Because there he is in the article, telling you the moment he knew the song was about him (outside of the fact that Alanis wasn't actually in a relationship with anyone else--back then, even famous women were capable of monogamy) was when he heard the line, "I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner."
Really Dave? Really? Have you heard the way Alanis sings that line? We all know it's euphemistic. And in the context of the rest of the lyrics, it's really hard to imagine she's referencing anything as wholesome as meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
But there's good ol' Dave, remembering it just that way. He says, "We had already broken up...She called and I said, 'Hey, you know, I'm right in the middle of dinner. Can I just call you right back?' When I heard the line, it was like, 'Uh-oh.'"
Oh, I bet that's just what it was like, David. Uh-oh.
Now here's the thing. I'm going to admit right now that, as a writer, I embellished a little at the beginning of this post. Or rather, I attached a number of things that have happened to me to one person, when in fact that whole twitter/facebook thing actually came from a student, not my friend. And also, that friend can't possibly be on Team Edward because we both know the werewolf one looks better without his shirt on.
You get the idea. Writers aren't married to the precise truth. So we can all imagine Alanis took a little creative license with You Oughta Know. But come on, Dave. You didn't just take creative license with your side of the story--you lied. And it was pathetic lie. It was (if I may) a slap in the face.
I haven't seen a response from Alanis yet. But if she wants to get through to Dave, if she wants to speak his language, I think there's really only one response (and yes, generation-Sarah, you're probably going to have to look this one up):
How rude!
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