All That Nonsense, Featuring Guest Blogger Kylee Schwab

Setup: Two friends walk into a bar. Actually, they don't have time to go to the bar because they have kids. Two friends text each other, in reality; but stories don't start that way. So...two friends. Bar. It's 100% believable that they're in a bar because they're both writers. Maybe you didn't read my blog post about writers awhile back, but spoiler alert: writers are drinkers. I even have a signature drink. It's the Dark & Stormy and it suits my temperament perfectly.

Two friends. Writers. Dark & Stormys. 

"I have nothing," the one says. "Literally nothing to write about."

The other takes a drink of her Dark & Stormy and tries not to make a face. Why does her signature drink have to taste of anise? "Want to co-author or or guest-author a blog post?"

"That sounds nice."

Blah blah details blah. 

In the end, two friends decide to share this blog post to talk about a day of the year that should matter a lot to the both of us: International Women's Day. For those of you who don't know, it was yesterday. So yeah, we're a day late. But we're women. We're expected to be late. We were probably just busy putting on our makeup and coiffing our hairs. 

We're here now, though. So let's get down to it. 

International Women's Day. A day I celebrated by buying bras, going to the gym, and grocery shopping. It was super.

If you'll count it, I celebrated a day early by going out to brunch and a movie with my gal pals. We drank virgin versions of the good stuff, we at eggs in shifts because our waiter was a nightmare, and we solved (what we'll call) the prison crisis in America. It was productive and uplifting. Except for the part where we agreed to bring back the Roman Colosseum.

But on the actual day, I have to admit I avoided thinking about it. To be honest, it's a subject that hurts my heart and it hurts my head. The truth is, I'm tired of being a woman. I'm tired of what being a woman means in this world. I'm tired of you and me having to fight for rights and considerations that should never have to be fought for.

So rather than adding my tired voice to a tired conversation, I'm going to let a voice that has little fight left in it have the floor. I won't mince her words, and if that makes you flinch, so be it. You may not agree with her; but on this day, [the day after] International Women's Day, I ask you to give her voice the respect it deserves.  

Kylee Schwab on International Women's Day

I had no idea that it even existed. Nope, not one clue. Apparently it was today [yesterday, because I'm slow at getting things out the door], March 8, 2015. Being a fairly educated and open-minded female who lives in one of the more progressive countries in the world, how could I have no idea that there was even such a day? Having a daughter, how could I have no idea there was such a day? Don’t I want my daughter to have every opportunity to be an architect or scientist or astronaut? Of course I want those things for her, the same way that I am sure that my parents wanted those things for me. 

So why is this day not more of a big deal? Maybe it is in other “non progressive” parts of the world. Maybe there are parts of the world that truly celebrate women. I have heard rumors of places that actually give new mothers PAID maternity leave that lasts longer than a week or two. GASP. I am going to try really hard to not turn this into the typical liberal/conservative nightmare of an argument that is constantly floating around in our country. But I was asked for my two cents so here it goes.

Having a day or a month set-aside for anything or any group is a double-edged sword. Being a lesbian in our country I can speak to this exclusively. I am a warehouse manager for a really busy company.  It is a typical “man” job. You want to hear a scary truth?  I was passed over for this job, by another female, the first time. Guess who got it? A middle aged white dude. Surprise surprise. Honestly, I knew it was coming before they even said, "Have a good day." 

Almost a year to the day later, the same woman called and offered me the job. The same job I was qualified for a year ago, when she passed me up. Now why would she not have picked me in the first place? I will tell you why: fear. As women, we are trained to see each other as competition for everything. Not by our parents or our friends or society, by EVERYTHING. Somehow it seeps into us from a really young age that other women are competition and men are either there to protect you or hurt you. No grey area, no questions, God bless the USA. 

I am 100% sure that  any woman reading this is completely disagreeing with me, probably with some anger behind it. You are saying to yourself, “I am NOT that kind of woman” or “I am completely supportive of my female friends, always have been.” By making my thoughts seem invalid, you are giving your own more validity.  Am I right? 

That’s the problem.  I am guilty of it too. There is no shame in it. But we need to see the bigger picture. If arguing with each other constantly distracts women, we have no time to see what is happening around us. If minorities in our country are fighting with each other, they have no time to see what is happening to them. If Gay Americans are constantly fighting the “Christian” right to be able to marry each other, they are missing it. We are moving ourselves into a special group. And special groups are obvious target because they have separated themselves. 

Have you ever wondered why there isn’t a “White Dudes Ages 18-50” day? Because they don’t want it or need it. Those men don't walk into job interviews with something to prove; they have their resumes and they say, "I need to be paid X amount for this job." And people hand it over. 

They don't have to second guess whether or not they belong somewhere; they were born with the right to saunter in like they own the place. What if every black person, gay person, woman, Hispanic person and Muslim person did the same thing? Sure there would be backlash at first, I guess, maybe. But what if there wasn’t? What if I took my WIFE and two kids to church every Sunday. Didn’t ask if we were welcome or not, just assumed that we were? What if?  

My point is, we challenge things by DOING. We challenge these social paradigms by simply being who we are with no excuses, no explanation and no regrets. Easier said then done, yes.  We have those pesky voices in our heads that have repressed us for the entire course of history.  We look at that other woman in the interview and see only a challenge. 

We distract ourselves with everything else in the world so we don’t have to see each other as people. I think everyday should celebrate women and their achievements throughout history (spoiler alert: most of the time in history “unknown” was a woman). I think everyday should celebrate all our cultures, our genders, our religions—every similarity and every difference.  

Can we force schools to do this? No. Can we force government to do this? No. But I can make sure both my son and daughter see people for who they are. I can make sure they are taught to learn and question everything they see and are taught. I can make sure to pick up a damn book and read something so that I never stop learning either. I can set an example for them. 

We have friends who are “traditional” families with a mommy and daddy who go to church every Sunday. We have friends who have adopted. We have friends who are Jewish, Mormon, Buddhist, Christian and Atheist. We have Gay friends and Black friends. Yes, we even have friends who are men, and friends who are women. We LOVE all of them because of who they are.   

Change the way people see you by being who you are. You don’t have to be flashy (I am looking at you Gays). You don’t have to be pushy or mean. Keep on living your life, and ladies, when you have that interview that you know you are damn qualified for, know your shit. Know that that job is worth and know what you're worth. If it is 60k, ask for 60k. You don’t want to work for a company that isn’t going to value you, anyway. Life is too damn short for all that nonsense.